It's In The Past
by Miss N U
Summary: They've both done a lot of changing over the summer, but some things will always stay the same. Primarily a Jemma, but a few others might pop up.
1. Intro

He sat on the rail, awaiting his last first day of school. Under normal circumstances, he would have already been out of this hell-hole. The thing was, his life was anything but normal. He had been given a second chance by the teachers, but he seriously doubted if the rest of the school would be as accepting this time around. Not that they had been the first time, but whatever._ Oh, well, _he thought, slinging his bag over his shoulder and putting his sunglasses on top of his shaggy, brown head. _Let's get this over with._ He was soon lost in the wave of students, both new and old, awaiting the first bell.

She was sitting on the bench with her best friend, anxious for the beginning of their long-awaited senior year. They had both come a LONG way since grade nine. One had gone from the cute little girl, to the scantily-clad hot girl with a reputation for stealing boyfriends, to the topless video star, thanks to a certain blonde perv of course. The other had gone from the nosy, nature freak with braces, to 'that girl who was friends with Rick', to the Gonorrhea girl, courtesy of a few bad nights spent in the ravine. But, in spite of all of those things, here they were. Still the best of friends and ready for their final year at Degrassi.


	2. The Notebook

As the bell finally rang, Emma and Manny were pulled into the throng of students surging through the front doors. As they were bumped and jostled through the crowd, one of Emma's notebooks was jerked free of the huge stack she was carrying with her. Not noticing, the two girls made their way arm in arm through the packed hallways to their lockers.

Jay casually moved out of the way, allowing some of the more anxious students to push and shove their way into the school, while he sat alone on the bench, planning to arrive late, as usual. As fewer and fewer students trickled through the doors, he got up and made his way slowly up the steps. Near the top however, something caught his eye. A bright green notebook with a peace sign on the front. He smiled to himself and, without checking to see who it belonged to, ventured inside to return the notebook to it's owner.

As Jay walked up to her locker, he was nearly floored by how amazing she looked. Sure, he had been attracted to her at the ravine last year, but now there was something different about her. Good different. He shook these thoughts from his head as he approached her, smirking as usual.

"Heya, Greenpeace," he said in his trademark mocking tone. "I think you dropped something."

"What?" she asked absentmindedly, not really noticing who she was talking to. Then, upon seeing the notebook in his hand, she sputtered, "Where did you get that?"

"You know, you should really start taking better care of your things," Jay said, smirk still plastered across his face, clearly enjoying teasing her like this.

"Give that back, it's mine!" she said, trying to grab it out of his hand. He pulled it away, laughing.

"Really? Oh, well there must be some interesting stuff in here then," he chided, beginning to open it up.

"Look all you want, it's empty. This is the first day of school, remember?" saying this, she finally grabbed the notebook and proceeded to walk off. Jay hurried to catch up with her.

"I like it," he whispered in her ear, walking close behind her.

"Like what? It's just a notebook." she stated without looking at him.

"Yeah, it's just really...you." He whispered again, their faces inches apart,"Later, Greenpeace."

As he walked away, she felt chills run over her entire body. She hated this. Anytime she was near him, or even thought about him, for that matter, she got chills. She felt something else, too, but was so far unable to put her finger on it. She was supposed to hate him, yet anytime he was around, she felt exilherated, like she was on a cloud. And she liked it. For some odd reason, she really liked it.

Emma was brought back to reality hard, however, by Manny waving her hand in front of her face.

"Emma? Hello, anybody home?" Manny yelled as she pulled her friend out of the trance-like state she seemed to be in.

"What? Oh, sorry Manny. I was just..." she stopped short, not really knowing what she had been doing.

"Just staring pointlessly down the hall. What were you looking at anyway?" she asked, walking into the MI lab alongside Emma.

"Nothing," she stated simply, sitting down next to Manny. "It's not important."

Emma logged on for a few seconds, just to see who else was on. The list was extremely long, it being homeroom afterall. She quickly glanced down the list and felt her heart skip a beat as she passed over his name. _What is with this?_ she thought to herself, _Why do I keep getting these feelings when I don't even like him? No, scratch that. When I HATE him._ She was just about to log off before the bell, when she would have to listen to Liberty's announcements once again, when a message popped up on her screen.

PStone: What r u doing for lunch?

ENelson: Nothing w/ u.

ENelson: Leave me alone.

Emma looked across the room at the cute blonde boy, who was glaring at her with sad eyes. As she looked up, he averted his gaze, lamely acting as though he was working.

If there was one person she hated more than Jay, it was, without a doubt, Peter. From the second she saw him, she was under his spell, only to find out that he had never really cared about her at all. Sure, she had dated him behind Manny and everyone else's back for quite a while, and it had been fun, but he ruined it. When they finally came around to telling everyone about their relationship, everything seemed perfect. He helped her deal with he eating disorder and treated her like a princess. Until graduation night, that is, when she walked in on him and some random senior girl. As the girl had put it, it was just her 'graduation present'. Emma hadn't talked to him since, although he tried relentlessly throughout the entire summer. With the help of Manny, she had managed to avoid him, but back at school, she had the feeling it wouldn't be so easy. And how right she was, as he got up and followed her out of the room at the bell.


	3. Something Unexpected

"Emma, talk to me, please," he pleaded, now catching up to her and stepping in front of her. "I messed up, okay?"

"Yeah, you did," she replied cooly, trying to walk around him. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back roughly, clearly getting angry.

"Okay, now listen to me!" he growled, staring straight into her eyes, which were rapidly filling with tears. Suddenly, Peter was thrown against the lockers, and Emma found herself now looking into Jay's eyes, which were filled with worry and anger. He looked at her briefly, before turning to Peter and pulling him up by his shirt collar.

"And why should she? Huh?" he said, slamming Peter against the lockers again. "So you can get her drunk and videotape her this time?"

"It's got nothing to do with that," he tried to say toughly, while still smashed into the lockers.

"I don't care," Jay snarled. "Stay away from her, pal, or deal with me. Got it?" Peter nodded his head in silent agreement, and Jay let him down, none too gently, and began to walk off.

"Jay!" she yelled after him, chasing him down. "Why did you do that?"

He turned around and looked straight into her eyes again, not saying a word.

"Why did you help me?"

"No reason," he finally replied quietly, turning away. "Later, Greenpeace." And with that, he was gone.

Emma stood in silence, staring at the spot where he had been standing seconds ago, defending her. Manny walked up next to her, mouth agape.

"What was that all about?" she whispered, looking from Peter, who was farther down the hall trying to act as though nothing had happened, to Emma, who was standing in front of the doors in the foyer, through which Jay had just disappeared. "I saw it through the window. Em, what happened?"

"I...don't really know," she said truthfully, walking to their next class. "One minute, Peter is trying to talk to me, the next, he's on the ground and Jay is his place, with this look in his eyes. Like he was---" she stopped herself, thinking back to his eyes when he had looked at her. She knew that those amazingly beautiful eyes had, for the smallest amount of time, been filled with worry. For her.

"What? Like he was gonna kill Peter?" Manny asked, clearly trying to lighten the mood as they took their seats. When she got a look from Emma, she gave up and instead, asked, "What did he say to him, anyway?"

Emma shook the image of those aquamarine orbs from her mind finally, and tried to recall what he had said.

"Um, he asked Peter why I should have to listen to him, and slammed him against the lockers. And then, he told Peter to stay away from me, or he would have to deal with him," she managed, purposefully leaving the part about the videotape out, to save Manny some painful memories.

"Oh," she said quietly, as the teacher passed a stack of first-day-of-school papers around the room. "What did he say to you after that? I saw you run after him."

But Emma just shook her head as the teacher silenced the class. "Later," she mouthed to her questioning friend, and then turned her attention back to the front of the room, though her mind was someplace completely different. _Why was he worried about me?_ she thought, bringing the picture of his eyes back and thinking hard. _Why did he protect me...and why wouldn't he tell me?_ It was like he actually cared about her, like it mattered to him what happened to her. She wasn't quite sure how to handle this, should she try and talk to him, or should she be happy with his first reply? She knew there was a reason for this, even though he denied it, and she wanted to find out what it was.

He sat in the alley alone during lunch, thinking about what had happened this morning. He wanted to go back and talk to her. Tell her that he cared about her, and he wanted to make sure that she was safe. He had heard about what happened between them, and hasn't wanted anything more than to 'talk' to Peter about it ever since, even though it was really none of his business. And now that he had finally gotten the chance, he couldn't tell her why he did it. Why he had felt the need to protect her ever since that huge mess with the ravine. He knew he'd hurt her and wouldn't blame her a bit if she never talked to him again, which, in fact, she hadn't until today. Yet he couldn't bring himself to tell her how he felt, hell, he couldn't even begin to apologize for what he had done, no matter how much he wanted to. He sat there through lunch, finally bringing himself to go back to class, which was a new thing he was trying out, but only because he knew that she would be in his next class. He couldn't wait to see her, even if he didin't plan to say anything to her, so he got up and made his was slowly back into the building, thinking the whole time about the girl he could never have.

Halfway through Mr. Simpson's dull, first day droning, Jay got a message. He didn't bother to check whether or not Simpson was around, besides, hew was way too wrapped up in his little lecture to notice. He read the message with an expressionless face, looking at the sender when he finished. He tried his best to act like it was nothing, while he could barely hold in the enormous smile that was begging to overtake his face.

When the bell finally rang, both went their separate ways and finished the day as though nothing had happened. Emma and Manny went home and talked for a while about the day's events, while Jay drove pointlessly around town, not wanting to go home, if you could even call it that. After a few hours, he finally pulled up to the park and sat there, waiting. Jay didn't hear Emma walk up beside him, not that he could hear much of anything over the sound of his music blaring, so she just stood there, watching him.

She stood beside his car for a while, trying to decide whether of not to go through with it. As she turned to leave, he noticed her. She looked gorgeous as ever, and he sat there admiring her in the mirror for a while, before finally calling her name.

"Hey! Greenpeace!" he yelled over the music, before turning it down, opening the door and stepping out of the car. "Where ya going?"

"Oh, um, I was just about to leave," she stammered. "You, uh, you looked busy."

"Well, I'm not, obviously. Why else would I be sitting in the park alone?" he said, walking over to a bench and sitting down. When Emma didn't moved, he added, "You just gonna stand there? You said you wanted to talk, didn't you?"

"Umm...yeah," she said at last, walking over to the bench, but not sitting down.

Jay kept looking at her, expecting her to say more. When she didn't, he said, "Okay. So, talk. Conversation's gotta go both ways, you know." As he said this, he smiled, enjoying seeing her so nervous and uncomfortable.

"I know. I just..." she paused, trying to think of how to word what she wanted to say. "I just...I wanted to know why you stood up for me today. Why did you protect me?" She asked, finally sitting down and looking at him intently.

"I told you already. No reason. I just don't like it when guys treat girls like that, okay?" he said, looking away to keep from betraying himself, but it was useless. Emma was silent for a while and he could feel her eyes on him while he stared at the grass. She got up at last and started to leave and he finally brought himself to look at her. The second he did, however, he regretted it. He now saw that she was crying and he immediately felt sick. _Why do I always hurt her?_ he thought, getting up and walking over to her. She looked at him for a moment wiht a gaze so full of pain that he wanted to drop dead on the spot.

Finally she spoke, not to him, but more to herself, "I can't believe I even thought about coming here tonight."

She now turned and spoke to Jay, her voice shaking noticably, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting like this. It's pretty much what I expected."

Emma turned around and started to walk home, leaving Jay standing there, watching her. When she was almost out of sight, he got into his car and drove up silently behind her.


	4. Maybe, Maybe Not

"Why are you being so weird?" he said to her back as she kept walking. "What did you want me to say, huh? I told you the truth and you said that that was what you expected, so why are you acting like this?" he demanded, now raising his voice slightly, hoping that she would just turn around, though he was afraid of what she might say.

When she kept walking, he asked, "If I don't mean anything to you, then why did you ask me to talk to you tonight?"

Hearing this, Emma stopped and turned around to face the one person who had caused her more pain than everyone else combined. She had quit crying, but her face was still red and puffy, causing Jay to suppress a grin. _God, she's gorgeous, _he thought as he waited anxiously for her to speak.

"You think you don't mean anything to me, Jay? Is that really what you think?" she asked him, standing there on the sidewalk, numb, from crying and from the thought of what he had just said.

"Well, obviously--" he started, but she cut him off, her voice rising.

"No, stop. Just stop. Do you honestly think that I would have even considered going into that van with you if you didn't mean anything to me? she questioned, her eyes quickly filling with tears. When Jay didn't answer, she turned and walked away slowly, crying silently the whole way home.

Jay sat in his car for what seemed like hours, replaying the day's events. He was lost. Completely and utterly lost. He hated himself for hurting her everytime he saw her, hated himself for thinking about her all the time, wondering how she was doing, what she was doing, and he hated himself for caring about her so much, wanting to make sure that she was never hurt, and yet at the same time, he kept screwing things up. He had hurt her and he desperately needed to make it better. He needed to get past his ridiculous cover-up, his 'bad-boy', 'hard-ass' image and tell her how he really felt. She was the only person who had ever seen right through him, and it was pointless to try and hide how he felt about her. He needed to fix this, right now.

When Emma got home, she went straight to the basement, collapsed onto her bed and curled up into a little ball, wanting to make herself as invisible to the world as possible. She could not, however, make herself invisible to Manny, who she seemed to have overlooked, seeing as she was too wrapped up in her thoughts to even notice that she was lying on a plate of food.

"You know, that would probably taste a lot better if you weren't squishing it right now," she said lightly, walking down the stairs and holding a sandwich identical to the one underneath Emma, though less smashed.

"What?" Emma rolled over and exposed the now flattened sub sandwich she had plopped down on top of. "Eww, gross," she groaned, pulling cheese off of her pants. "Did you make these?"

Manny just nodded and smiled at her friend, who was now eating the demolished sandwich.

"I thought we could eat and you could tell me what _really_ happened with you and Jay," she finally stated, a serious tone now overtaking her voice. "Spill it."

Emma was silent and ate her sandwich until her friend yelled, "Em!' She played it off, however, and said rather blandly, looking down at her food, "There's nothing to spill."

Manny gave her an 'I know you're lying' look as she sat down on the bed next to her, causing Emma to finally put her food down with a sigh.

"I though...maybe...he'd changed," she said slowly, now looking at the ceiling. "But I was wrong."

Manny smiled sadly at her and pulled her into a hug, and even though she wanted to know more, she picked up their plates and told Emma to get some sleep. When she protested, Manny simply said, "You're tired. Sleep, sweetie." and took the plates upstairs before going to sleep also.

The next day at school, Emma arrived to find a note sticking out of the bottom of her locker. She slowly pulled it out, hoping that it wasn't from Peter, and began to read.

_Hey,_

_Before you rip this up and refuse to talk to me, I just wanted you to know that I'm an idiot. I could elaborate, but that would kill a LOT of trees, and we can't have that, now can we? So, meet me at the Dot after school so we can talk, because I don't want to tell you what I need to say in a letter. And, I don't want to write anymore. See you then, I hope._

_Later, Greenpeace_

As she finished, she folded it neatly back up and put it in her pocket, not yet sure how to react to what she had just read. She wanted to be upset at the fact that he wanted to talk to her again, but she couldn't. _The truth is, _she thought, _I can't wait to see him. Even if I am afraid that he'll hurt me again, I want to see him. _Emma walked to class with a smile on her face, wanting the day to be over as soon as possible.

When the bell finally did ring, she hurried out the doors as fast as possible without trampling _too_ many grade nines. She told Manny to go ahead and leave without her, but didn't tell her why. When she got to the Dot, nobody was there yet, which wasn't exactly suprising, considering the fact that she had practically sprinted over there. So she went up to the counter and started to order something to drink while she waited. Emma was handing the girl behind the counter her money when someone came up behind her and paid for the drink themselves.

"I got that," Jay said, sitting down next to Emma and handing over the money. He looked over at her to see her smiling, which caused him to do the same.

"I'm guessing you got the note?" When she nodded, he continued, "I know it was totally stupid and really random and SO not something that I would normaly do, but I just couldn't think of any other way to get you to talk to after last night, so--" He stopped when he noticed that she was looking at him and laughing. "What?" he asked, now looking worried.

"You're rambling," she said, still looking at him intently with laughter in her eyes. "And it wasn't stupid. It was sweet."

He looked a little calmer now that she had spoken, but that didn't stop him from being nervous. Emma noticed this and was a little suprised, never having seen him like this before.

"So, what couldn't you tell me in a letter?" she asked him, smiling once again.

"Yeah...uh...like I said, I'm an idiot. And I'm sorry, that I keep hurting you," he said sincerely, looking her straight in the eyes. "And I know this is gonna sound really cliche, but...If I could take back everything that happened last year, I would."

She was still looking at him, but he thought he saw hurt flash momentarily through her eyes once again. She finally looked away and said softly, yet surely,

"I wouldn't."

When he just looked at her like she was crazy, she smirked over at him. "Not all of it, anyway." Jay was smiling now too, although he couldn't quite believe what she had just told him.

"I don't regret what happened that night." She laughed and continued, "I DO regret what happened after that. Every single bit of it."

Jay now looked down at the counter sadly and spoke, "Believe me, Emma, if I had known...I wouldn't have even considered putting you in that situation. I hate myselft for it everyday and I want more than anything to take it back. I want to take back every time I've hurt you." He stopped and looked over at her, only to see her eyes filled with tears, though she had yet to shed them. "Which seems pretty much impossible, since I keep doing it," he said, now standing up and heading toward the door. "I'm just gonna go."

She watched him leave, her eyes still shining with tears, yet she had a small smile spread across her face. He had just opened up to her like he had never done before, answering any and every question that had crossed her mind in the past few days. But most of all, she now knew that he had changed, all because of one simple word. He was still the old Jay to everyone else, but to her, he was someone different now, and she got up to go find him.


	5. Whatever Happens, Happens

Jay found himself driving around town with no visible destination in mind, wishing that he hadn't asked to come back to school this year. It was only two days into the year and already he had seemingly screwed everything up, as usual. After about a half hour of pointless cruising, he found himself at the park again, though not really knowing why. Even so, he got out and walked slowly over to the swings, sitting down but not moving. He sat there for what seemed like hours, and it was quickly becoming dark, so he was about to give in and go home when he heard someone moving behind him.

Emma had been leaning against a nearby tree for a while watching him silently but intently. When he finally moved, so did she, moving from the tree and walking cautiously toward him. He must have noticed because he turned around, apparently startled. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. His eyes said it all, and then some. So she continued walking over to him, taking his hands and pulling him up when she got there.

Jay couldn't have expected what happened next in a million years. She pulled him up and stared into his brown eyes with a fire he had never before seen. And then, pulling him even closer and placing one hand softly against his cheek, she smiled and kissed him. He was taken aback at first, but soon got into it, though not too into it. When she pulled back, she leaned back and smiled at him suddenly, causing him to voice the question burning at his thoughts.

"What was that for?" he whispered, never taking his eyes off of hers. She cocked her head to the side, continuing to smile, unknowingly making his knees weak.

"You called me Emma," she said simply, before giving him another short kiss and removing herself from his arms at last. She backed away slowly, still smiling and not wanting to let go of his hands, though she did in the end, arms completely outstretched. He was smiling now too, though he still had a hint of disbelief in his eyes and she couldn't say that she blamed him. What she had done had been completely unexpected, but she didn't regret a second of it. She turned to leave without another word, happier than she had been in a very long time. She knew they would eventually have to talk about where they stood, but for once in her life she wasn't worried or anxious. _Whatever happens, happens, _she thought. Emma went to bed that night completely content and woke up the next morning to find Manny already awaked, waiting for her.

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to update and that this post is so unbearably short. I apologize. I've been insanely busy and I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm experiencing some extreme writers block. I don't know where I'm going with this story at this point, so any helpful and/or creative suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Kortney**


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